This me.
Minus the incorrect pronunciations of Jacquea Oldaya.
This is me.
A complicated hue-man being
And I do mean hue by having melanin in my skin
I am a fierce sun
But yet a dark night
Never scared to fill you with anger, fury, & fright
As I recite
The words that I do write.
I am not a bitch, nor a hoe
I go by Jacquea or Que
Even by Queen or Sista
Or you better not expect me to answer at all.
And I have love
Enough love to fill this room
And make you smile & say: “Wow, I have love.”
Enough love for you to know that it will never cease to exist.
And above all, I am real
True & genuine
So, fake people move right out the door
Cause you’re not what I’ve been lookin’ for.
And I give
I give too much
I give my all, my soul if I could
And I refuse to take.
I am a lioness, with strength & power strong enough for a man
But made for a woman.
I am a living contradiction between ignorance and intelligence
Talking like I live in Shadyside or Bloomfield
While I live in Garfield HEIGHTS,
As I listen to Bob Marley saying:
“One good thing about music, when it hits, you feel no pain.”
Reading to riches to enrich for the minds of tomorrow.
And I am deep
I am layers upon layers that make me who I am
And what I stand for
And what may that be?
My people & the children of tomorrow
Where Marvin Gaye’s voice cries in me
TO SAVE THE BABIES!
To not let their lives go down the drain
And teach them to be the leaders of tomorrow
I make mistakes & learn from them
And watch people make ‘em too
To show me what not to do.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Only Time Will Tell (Made for Ron)
With oh so many thoughts in my mind
And when you rise to mind
When you become a thought
I wonder about you.
I wonder....
If I’ll see you again.
If our eyes will ever meet again.
If we’ll ever groove to the same beat together.
If I’ll ever see your chocolate brown skin.
If’ we’ll see a sunset together.
If I’ll ever touch your sepia brown locks.
If we’ll ever exchange good food for hearty laughs.
If I’ll ever see how the sun reflects off your smooth skin.
If you’ll ever see my true spirit, my true light.
If you’ll ever see how much I love the summer.
If you’ll ever see my afro centric behind,
with my proud-to-have-locks-and-shake-‘em self.
If we’ll ever enjoy music together.
If we’ll ever have debates with both of your strong views.
If you’ll ever see me speaking my mind at the Shadow Lounge.
If I’ll ever see you laugh at my silly behind.
If you’ll ever adore my black-and-crazy locks.
If we’ll step together to the rhythm of our souls.
If we’ll figure out how far this can go.
And if you’ll ever see how much I love children.
Or history.
Or music.
I wonder....
Will you or I ever know?
And when you rise to mind
When you become a thought
I wonder about you.
I wonder....
If I’ll see you again.
If our eyes will ever meet again.
If we’ll ever groove to the same beat together.
If I’ll ever see your chocolate brown skin.
If’ we’ll see a sunset together.
If I’ll ever touch your sepia brown locks.
If we’ll ever exchange good food for hearty laughs.
If I’ll ever see how the sun reflects off your smooth skin.
If you’ll ever see my true spirit, my true light.
If you’ll ever see how much I love the summer.
If you’ll ever see my afro centric behind,
with my proud-to-have-locks-and-shake-‘em self.
If we’ll ever enjoy music together.
If we’ll ever have debates with both of your strong views.
If you’ll ever see me speaking my mind at the Shadow Lounge.
If I’ll ever see you laugh at my silly behind.
If you’ll ever adore my black-and-crazy locks.
If we’ll step together to the rhythm of our souls.
If we’ll figure out how far this can go.
And if you’ll ever see how much I love children.
Or history.
Or music.
I wonder....
Will you or I ever know?
The Black Girl Lost
The lost leading the lost,
The black girl lost.
See, I want to tell you about the black girl lost
I see her all the time,
In fact, the black girl lost is two sisters of mine.
But anyway, she starts from birth,
Raised in a home with a mother
Who pays more attention to a man she doesn’t know
But anyway, this little black girl is raised
By the TV, music, & herself
And with time, she gives more power to
what’s between her legs than her mind
More worried about the guys that what’s in front of her eyes
Doesn’t care about school & even excelling, cause she just doesn’t care
She doesn’t care about anyone or anything
Oblivious to the world
Taught by the streets & not by her mother
The value of a dollar
The true meaning of love
Her own self-worth
The role of a man & his purpose
Or even what it is to be a woman
Wanders around in a heartless, cold, & money-centered country
That turns the warmest heart cold
And all the questions she has are either answered by your “friends”
And I do mean friends like that
Because they’re blind too & don’t know anymore than she does
Or it goes unanswered.
So, this uninformed female turns from a girl who doesn’t know nothin’
To a teenager who still doesn’t know nothin’.
Believes that the only things that matter
Her man, before anything because without him
She’s lost in her eyes
And alone.
She was lost in the first place to not put herself first....
Her money, gotta have it to buy what she wants
And then, her friends
And since, the inner-city education doesn’t you shit,
She got shit out of it.
And dropped out before believing she was even worth that much
She’s fifteen now, had sex at thirteen
Even contracted a STD on her first time
And didn’t know who she was really dealing with
Had the body of an eighteen year old
Wasn’t taught that masturbation was okay
Wasn’t taught about things like HIV & AIDS
Safe sex & STDs
She jumped in head first into a world where condoms,
talking, & birthcontrol were your only lifelines
Where diseases like syphilis & chlamydia were only the beginning.
But she didn’t know that, so when she found
out she had a STD, she panicked,
Wondered what happened for this to happen to her
Sure, she caught it early & took care of it
But what she was ignorant to the fact is, that she could contract it again,
If she wasn’t careful.
So, she’s young & stupid in high school
Unaware & ungrateful to the hardships her ancestors endured
In order for her to be here.
Believed that long, relaxed hair was beautiful,
Because of the white supremacy she was spoon-fed every day,
So she wore a weave.
Believed that since she is a black woman,
She isn’t worth anything
Because of a pale-skinned European man told her,
taught her, & educated her
That she should hate herself,
So, she hates herself.
And since, Willie Lynch is live & full in color,
Her dark skin is appeared to be less than
So she clings dangerously close to lightening & bleaching creams.
Believed in the music she listens to,
Sex, money & death is the main subject of conversation
Since she sees women in videos that look just like her
Barely anything at all
She does the same.
And what her friends & the music she listens to
Neglected to tell her was that
She needs to dress like a lady, if she wanted to be treated like one
That within herself, she was worth more than a mindless fuck,
More than all the men she laid,
More than all the money she made,
More than the word bitch or ho could ever do
And more than she could ever know
That she could start a nation either with knowledge....
Or with ignorance.
That she could do anything, if only...
If only she tried.
Drops out of school, only a freshman in high school
Yet to learn the way of the world
Numbs herself with just a hit of weed & a glass of alcohol
Falls in love with a man, more like a boy she doesn’t know
Believes in all of this, that women are wrong for friends
And fights each one that says or does the littlest of things
Had sex with no disregard to her own
And ends up pregnant with HIV.
Goes to the man she needs so much
And tells him the news
Only to be dumped & heartbroken.
Depressed, she delves into hard drugs like
crack cocaine & smokes cigarettes
Oblivious to the fact that she carries another life in her hands
Has her baby alone in a hospital
Problem is, the baby is born crack-addicted & HIV positive
And born to a woman who can’t take care of herself
She fades fast down the drain into nothingness
to the point of no return,
She realizes her mistakes & cries out like the little girl
she still is inside....
But it’s too late.
Now, she must take care of a life that barely hangs on with open eyes
Even though she is young, ignorant, bitter, & lost.
Doesn’t know that her life could’ve been better,
Doesn’t know the drugs & alcohol numb the pain
But it’s still there, lurking until you see it
And she’s lost
Doesn’t know the Asiatic queen she is
Doesn’t know the history of her ancestors could’ve set her free
And there is still is hope, if she tries.
But where should she look?
Where she should go?
And after time passes & more children come
She’ll walk by her elders
With pain in her eyes that she’s “stuck” with children
She doesn’t know how to take care of
Depends of welfare for her life & her children
But know as soon as that check comes
It goes down the drain on drugs, cigarettes, & alcohol
While her children barely get by
And due to her not taking her disease seriously, she dies
And five children remain.
Wander around the confusions of this cold world
And hope they don’t get lost like their mother did.
The lost leading the lost.
The black girl lost.
The black girl lost.
See, I want to tell you about the black girl lost
I see her all the time,
In fact, the black girl lost is two sisters of mine.
But anyway, she starts from birth,
Raised in a home with a mother
Who pays more attention to a man she doesn’t know
But anyway, this little black girl is raised
By the TV, music, & herself
And with time, she gives more power to
what’s between her legs than her mind
More worried about the guys that what’s in front of her eyes
Doesn’t care about school & even excelling, cause she just doesn’t care
She doesn’t care about anyone or anything
Oblivious to the world
Taught by the streets & not by her mother
The value of a dollar
The true meaning of love
Her own self-worth
The role of a man & his purpose
Or even what it is to be a woman
Wanders around in a heartless, cold, & money-centered country
That turns the warmest heart cold
And all the questions she has are either answered by your “friends”
And I do mean friends like that
Because they’re blind too & don’t know anymore than she does
Or it goes unanswered.
So, this uninformed female turns from a girl who doesn’t know nothin’
To a teenager who still doesn’t know nothin’.
Believes that the only things that matter
Her man, before anything because without him
She’s lost in her eyes
And alone.
She was lost in the first place to not put herself first....
Her money, gotta have it to buy what she wants
And then, her friends
And since, the inner-city education doesn’t you shit,
She got shit out of it.
And dropped out before believing she was even worth that much
She’s fifteen now, had sex at thirteen
Even contracted a STD on her first time
And didn’t know who she was really dealing with
Had the body of an eighteen year old
Wasn’t taught that masturbation was okay
Wasn’t taught about things like HIV & AIDS
Safe sex & STDs
She jumped in head first into a world where condoms,
talking, & birthcontrol were your only lifelines
Where diseases like syphilis & chlamydia were only the beginning.
But she didn’t know that, so when she found
out she had a STD, she panicked,
Wondered what happened for this to happen to her
Sure, she caught it early & took care of it
But what she was ignorant to the fact is, that she could contract it again,
If she wasn’t careful.
So, she’s young & stupid in high school
Unaware & ungrateful to the hardships her ancestors endured
In order for her to be here.
Believed that long, relaxed hair was beautiful,
Because of the white supremacy she was spoon-fed every day,
So she wore a weave.
Believed that since she is a black woman,
She isn’t worth anything
Because of a pale-skinned European man told her,
taught her, & educated her
That she should hate herself,
So, she hates herself.
And since, Willie Lynch is live & full in color,
Her dark skin is appeared to be less than
So she clings dangerously close to lightening & bleaching creams.
Believed in the music she listens to,
Sex, money & death is the main subject of conversation
Since she sees women in videos that look just like her
Barely anything at all
She does the same.
And what her friends & the music she listens to
Neglected to tell her was that
She needs to dress like a lady, if she wanted to be treated like one
That within herself, she was worth more than a mindless fuck,
More than all the men she laid,
More than all the money she made,
More than the word bitch or ho could ever do
And more than she could ever know
That she could start a nation either with knowledge....
Or with ignorance.
That she could do anything, if only...
If only she tried.
Drops out of school, only a freshman in high school
Yet to learn the way of the world
Numbs herself with just a hit of weed & a glass of alcohol
Falls in love with a man, more like a boy she doesn’t know
Believes in all of this, that women are wrong for friends
And fights each one that says or does the littlest of things
Had sex with no disregard to her own
And ends up pregnant with HIV.
Goes to the man she needs so much
And tells him the news
Only to be dumped & heartbroken.
Depressed, she delves into hard drugs like
crack cocaine & smokes cigarettes
Oblivious to the fact that she carries another life in her hands
Has her baby alone in a hospital
Problem is, the baby is born crack-addicted & HIV positive
And born to a woman who can’t take care of herself
She fades fast down the drain into nothingness
to the point of no return,
She realizes her mistakes & cries out like the little girl
she still is inside....
But it’s too late.
Now, she must take care of a life that barely hangs on with open eyes
Even though she is young, ignorant, bitter, & lost.
Doesn’t know that her life could’ve been better,
Doesn’t know the drugs & alcohol numb the pain
But it’s still there, lurking until you see it
And she’s lost
Doesn’t know the Asiatic queen she is
Doesn’t know the history of her ancestors could’ve set her free
And there is still is hope, if she tries.
But where should she look?
Where she should go?
And after time passes & more children come
She’ll walk by her elders
With pain in her eyes that she’s “stuck” with children
She doesn’t know how to take care of
Depends of welfare for her life & her children
But know as soon as that check comes
It goes down the drain on drugs, cigarettes, & alcohol
While her children barely get by
And due to her not taking her disease seriously, she dies
And five children remain.
Wander around the confusions of this cold world
And hope they don’t get lost like their mother did.
The lost leading the lost.
The black girl lost.
Ebony
Ebony is blackness.
Ebony is everything that white isn’t,
It’s beautiful,
Even though it’s seen as ugly.
Ebony is big lips, a big nose, black skin, & kinky hair
Saluting its ancestors with honor & pride.
Ebony is genuine, original, & not fake
Ebony is the oneness that connects all people & all things
To the ones who first walked the earth
With rich minds & melanin in their skin.
Ebony comes from the true fact
That everything & everyone come from the color black.
Ebony is knowing that you come from greatness.
Ebony is embracing your own Asiatic beauty
And not letting someone tell you what beauty is & what it isn’t.
Ebony is loving you
The whole you
From your big hips, big thighs, & a big butt
That could be any shade of blackness
From ivory to the darkest mahogany wood.
Ebony is stories of struggle passed down generation to generation,
So that this generation can know that we are born from greatness.
Ebony is proving Willie Lynch wrong.
Ebony is Soul Train with Don Cornelius.
Ebony is showing the youth how to really
move & groove with your soul.
Ebony is the great Asiatic kings & queens of the past,
Like the great Nefertiti & N’Zinga,
Or the powerful Taharka & Ramses.
Ebony is a continent full of untold history,
endless resources, & a great people....
Africa.
Ebony is Malcolm X & Martin Luther King,
Betty Shabazz & Coretta Scott King,
Harriet Tubman & Sojourner Truth,
Langston Hughes & the great James Baldwin.
Ebony is discovering the true history of the world.
Ebony is educating the generation of tomorrow with history & facts that will set us free.
Ebony is magical,
Some type of wonderful
Everlasting & never ending.
Ebony is love,
Black, brown, & yellow love,
That lasts through lifetimes, generations,
And smiles.
Ebony is the true groove of your soul.
Ebony is knowing that you have the power to change the world.
Ebony is you.
Ebony is me.
Ebony is ....blackness.
Ebony is everything that white isn’t,
It’s beautiful,
Even though it’s seen as ugly.
Ebony is big lips, a big nose, black skin, & kinky hair
Saluting its ancestors with honor & pride.
Ebony is genuine, original, & not fake
Ebony is the oneness that connects all people & all things
To the ones who first walked the earth
With rich minds & melanin in their skin.
Ebony comes from the true fact
That everything & everyone come from the color black.
Ebony is knowing that you come from greatness.
Ebony is embracing your own Asiatic beauty
And not letting someone tell you what beauty is & what it isn’t.
Ebony is loving you
The whole you
From your big hips, big thighs, & a big butt
That could be any shade of blackness
From ivory to the darkest mahogany wood.
Ebony is stories of struggle passed down generation to generation,
So that this generation can know that we are born from greatness.
Ebony is proving Willie Lynch wrong.
Ebony is Soul Train with Don Cornelius.
Ebony is showing the youth how to really
move & groove with your soul.
Ebony is the great Asiatic kings & queens of the past,
Like the great Nefertiti & N’Zinga,
Or the powerful Taharka & Ramses.
Ebony is a continent full of untold history,
endless resources, & a great people....
Africa.
Ebony is Malcolm X & Martin Luther King,
Betty Shabazz & Coretta Scott King,
Harriet Tubman & Sojourner Truth,
Langston Hughes & the great James Baldwin.
Ebony is discovering the true history of the world.
Ebony is educating the generation of tomorrow with history & facts that will set us free.
Ebony is magical,
Some type of wonderful
Everlasting & never ending.
Ebony is love,
Black, brown, & yellow love,
That lasts through lifetimes, generations,
And smiles.
Ebony is the true groove of your soul.
Ebony is knowing that you have the power to change the world.
Ebony is you.
Ebony is me.
Ebony is ....blackness.
Hair
I wonder how
And why
Us sistas do it.
We attach it, wrap it, sew it on, glue it on, & do just about everything to put it on.
Weave.
We got it down our backs,
Over our shoulders,
And on the top of our heads, lost in hold spray & bobby pins.
We got it cut to a short style, long style & whatever style we desire
And underneath, we fry & dye our hair
Bumper curl it, hot comb it, & jheri curl it,
We relax it, perm it, gel it
And boy, do we color it
We color it black, white, grey, red, orange,
yellow, green, blue, purple
And all the other colors of the spectrum.
We pull it, brush it, comb it, and grease it
And believe beauty equals pain
And pain is beauty.
So, while our hair is so tight
That we can’t even smile without hurting our heads
And while we scratch the hell out of our heads
Buried under all that weave
Trying to achieve the unachievable
When we look in the mirror & feel shocked
When our hair lines start way back there
When we’re nearly or already bald by seventy
Wonderin’ how our hair got so fucked up
To the point when we’re wearing wigs every place we go,
Even sitting at home.
Never even remembering or considering
That if she took out the chemicals,
The weave, the relaxers, & the hot combs
Us sistas would die with our own
Grown, god-given hair, not weave.
And why
Us sistas do it.
We attach it, wrap it, sew it on, glue it on, & do just about everything to put it on.
Weave.
We got it down our backs,
Over our shoulders,
And on the top of our heads, lost in hold spray & bobby pins.
We got it cut to a short style, long style & whatever style we desire
And underneath, we fry & dye our hair
Bumper curl it, hot comb it, & jheri curl it,
We relax it, perm it, gel it
And boy, do we color it
We color it black, white, grey, red, orange,
yellow, green, blue, purple
And all the other colors of the spectrum.
We pull it, brush it, comb it, and grease it
And believe beauty equals pain
And pain is beauty.
So, while our hair is so tight
That we can’t even smile without hurting our heads
And while we scratch the hell out of our heads
Buried under all that weave
Trying to achieve the unachievable
When we look in the mirror & feel shocked
When our hair lines start way back there
When we’re nearly or already bald by seventy
Wonderin’ how our hair got so fucked up
To the point when we’re wearing wigs every place we go,
Even sitting at home.
Never even remembering or considering
That if she took out the chemicals,
The weave, the relaxers, & the hot combs
Us sistas would die with our own
Grown, god-given hair, not weave.
I Gotta Go
You see, I never sit down and just...
Think.
Think about all the things I could do
Like truly watch a sun disappear from the sky
Or find out why the real reason why I can’t sleep at night
But the thing I do beautifully is...
Run.
And go.
Run away from the answers to my questions
Go & get away from the pain & sorrow that bellows in my heart
And here I am always, living my ass off
So busy going & running so fast
Living on the outside but never really livin’ inside
Which takes my childhood & runs with it
Leaving me wallowing & yelling
“Hey I want to be a child!”
But it’s too late.
So, I run
I don’t sit in the good times
I run from the past I keep as my biggest secret
I run from the loneliness that follows my every step
I run from the bullshit
Tryin’ to believe & hope & dream that
there’s somethin’ better out there
Saying every time I think about my life
Never saying....we gotta work this out
I’m past that
Meaning “Fuck that, I gotta worry about me now”
And as the words pierce my soul
Killing me from the inside out
But with tears in my eyes as they slide down my cheek
I comfort myself
Knowing that there is something better out there
Saying these words to keep myself sane,
To keep myself from losing control
I gotta leave
Gotta run.
I just.....I gotta go.
Think.
Think about all the things I could do
Like truly watch a sun disappear from the sky
Or find out why the real reason why I can’t sleep at night
But the thing I do beautifully is...
Run.
And go.
Run away from the answers to my questions
Go & get away from the pain & sorrow that bellows in my heart
And here I am always, living my ass off
So busy going & running so fast
Living on the outside but never really livin’ inside
Which takes my childhood & runs with it
Leaving me wallowing & yelling
“Hey I want to be a child!”
But it’s too late.
So, I run
I don’t sit in the good times
I run from the past I keep as my biggest secret
I run from the loneliness that follows my every step
I run from the bullshit
Tryin’ to believe & hope & dream that
there’s somethin’ better out there
Saying every time I think about my life
Never saying....we gotta work this out
I’m past that
Meaning “Fuck that, I gotta worry about me now”
And as the words pierce my soul
Killing me from the inside out
But with tears in my eyes as they slide down my cheek
I comfort myself
Knowing that there is something better out there
Saying these words to keep myself sane,
To keep myself from losing control
I gotta leave
Gotta run.
I just.....I gotta go.
I Need You
I’m lying in your bed, bare under the sheets
Or I may be sitting on your couch
Sitting with an uneasy feeling in my soul
And on my face, no emotions surface
But you can see the pain on my face
When I whisper in your ear....
I need you right now.
I need you to bellow between my legs
Needin’ for you to hold me & make me believe that everything will be alright....
Even though my world is upside down
I need you to help me forget about....
That life just seems to get harder each & every day
That sometimes I feel like I’m dying inside
And that the weight on my shoulders that crushes me
While you groove in & out of me.
I need you to kiss away the tears from my face.
I need you to make my heart race
And while you increase your groove
I squirm, I whine, I move
I need you to make me smile through the pain
Needin’ for you to make my soul rain,
Pourin’ all the hurt & sorrow & pain & anger
Moving my spirit from exposing to a stranger.
I need you to rub away the pain
I need you to send me to that place....
That holds no emotion, no hurt, and no pain
And while I float back, I need to be in your arms to be sane
To keep believing from that moment
Where only loving words are poured from the heart
While you give yourself to me over & over.....
And over & over....
I can’t explain it....I know that
I need you.
Or I may be sitting on your couch
Sitting with an uneasy feeling in my soul
And on my face, no emotions surface
But you can see the pain on my face
When I whisper in your ear....
I need you right now.
I need you to bellow between my legs
Needin’ for you to hold me & make me believe that everything will be alright....
Even though my world is upside down
I need you to help me forget about....
That life just seems to get harder each & every day
That sometimes I feel like I’m dying inside
And that the weight on my shoulders that crushes me
While you groove in & out of me.
I need you to kiss away the tears from my face.
I need you to make my heart race
And while you increase your groove
I squirm, I whine, I move
I need you to make me smile through the pain
Needin’ for you to make my soul rain,
Pourin’ all the hurt & sorrow & pain & anger
Moving my spirit from exposing to a stranger.
I need you to rub away the pain
I need you to send me to that place....
That holds no emotion, no hurt, and no pain
And while I float back, I need to be in your arms to be sane
To keep believing from that moment
Where only loving words are poured from the heart
While you give yourself to me over & over.....
And over & over....
I can’t explain it....I know that
I need you.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
